


Come Out

by deathclassic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Biphobia, Coming Out, M/M, based on recent events, but also not really, internalised biphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 19:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10342896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathclassic/pseuds/deathclassic
Summary: Dan rants and vents about coming out to Phil and Phil tries to help him through it. Tries.basically inspired by recent events and shit





	

**Author's Note:**

> i am not claiming dan's sexuality and whether or not he comes out cheers

"They hate the video" Dan announced as he emerged from his room and stomped into the lounge, flopping his body onto the couch and crossing his arms across his chest. "I knew they would"

"They don't hate the video" Phil replied not looking up from what he was doing on his laptop. "I'm reading some of the comments now, there are plenty of nice comments"

"But they were expecting me to do something else!" Dan raised his voice "They were expecting me to fucking come out as not straight!"

"You're not straight though" Phil glanced up noticing how upset Dan was quickly becoming "You're dating me"

"That's beside the point though!" Dan sat up properly and turned his body to face his boyfriend "They're pressuring me to come out, not you, me! They think we're together but yet they're not pressuring you to come out, just me!"

"They thought I was coming out with my last video because I tweeted that dove emoji" Phil responded "I got some backlash from that"

"I suppose so" Dan sighed and rubbed his face with his hands "They've been speculating my coming out video since that fucking liveshow from nearly a month ago and they haven't stopped tweeting me and when the video uploaded they all expected me to tell them the truth or something but they got an Internet Support Group and, Phil, they were so disappointed"

"To be fair, you have been teasing them for a long time now" Phil had abandoned his browsing altogther by this point "You were going to do it but you freaked out"

"And I don't want to come out, Phil" Dan looked up and gave a teary glance "I'm already out to the important people in my life and I don't want to share this with the entire world"

"You can't leave them in the dark forever"

"Then you fucking come out, Phil" Dan shot back "Because you're gay and I'm not. Being gay is way more interesting than being bisexual"

"I'll come out when you come out" 

"Well, that's not going to happen for a long ass time"

"Dan, seriously, you've either got to come out or stop teasing them! I saw your video, when a girl asked for advice on boy trouble you literally said that you had experience with boy trouble"

"I'm not teasing them! Okay I may be fucking with them a little bit but it's only because I don't WANT to come out! I don't want to make a fucking dramatic 10 minute long video with me crying in it like every other coming out video! I am coming out, I've been coming out for a long time now and people understand but it's not giving them what they want but what about what I want!" 

 

Dan was crying now and he was trying extremly hard to not show it but failed to do so. Phil shifted over to Dan's side of the couch and pulled him into his yellow hoodie that Dan bought for his birthday a few years ago. Dan said he looked great in yellow and Phil had to agree. 

 

"This is stupid" Dan laughed "I'm so stupid"

"You need to stop that" Phil mumbled "Need to stop making jokes about your depression and anxiety"

"Can't stop now, can I" Dan laughed again but this time a little louder "I'm danisnotonfire! He fucking hates himself and everyone knows it! He's the self hating, bisexual, posh guy that everyone ships with his best friend from YouTube! Can't stop my branding can I?"

"You can do whatever you want" Phil laid his head on top of Dan's curly hair, breathing in the scent of his own shampoo that he really only buys because Dan loves it so much. 

"I want to disappear"

"No, you don't"

"I thought it was a good video, I was actually proud of it and everyone brushed it aside because it wasn't what they wanted"

"It was a great video" Phil rubbed Dan's shoulder "They just thought it must have been a bigger video because of the wait. Which I took the blame for"

"I know, and I love you for explaining to them why it took so long, computer hogger, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like complete and utter shit"

 

Phil didn't say anything as he gently placed a kiss to Dan's temple and held him a little more tighter than usual. 

 

It was nearly 1 in the morning and Dan hasn't said much since he had vented to Phil after seeing the comments on the video. Phil hadn't said anything either, just bit his lip in a worried fashion when he saw some of Dan's twitter replies. 

 

"I made a coming out video" Dan spoke up in the quietness of their apartment "Kinda, not really, sorta"

"Kinda, not really, sorta" Phil repeated "What does that even mean?"

"It means, I started one but then I got scared and it was too much to handle" 

"I thought you didn't want to come out?"

"I don't" Dan snorted "I don't think I'm ready either"

"Then why are you making one? You don't have to make a coming out video if you don't want to"

"Because they want me to" Dan shrugged "I thought that if I made one, then I can put those rumours to rest and like confirm what they all thought, that Dan Howell likes boys and talk about being bisexual and all that shit"

"Biphobia and stuff?" Phil asked

"Yes! Because being bisexual sucks sometimes because you're either not straight enough or not gay enough or not queer enough and it makes me feel like shit, even more so than usual because it would be so much easier if I was 100% gay or 100% straight" 

"Your sexuality is valid and I love you" Phil comforted him 

"Gee thanks Mr Tumblr" Dan rolled his eyes "I know my sexuality is valid. I don't care what other people think because I know who and what I am. And I love you too"

 

Phil knew that Dan was speaking lies because Dan thrives off attention, he definitely cares what people think about him and how it can bring his esteem up and down, depending on the day and what he sees online.

Dan dug his bare feet under Phil's leg for warmth and wiggled his toes and smiled softly as Phil squirmed in discomfort. He laughed softly as Phil swatted at his ankles and complained about Dan's feet being cold and hurting his butt and fuck Dan had to try really hard to refrain from making a sex joke because he's actually 12. 

 

"I want to make a video about bisexuality but I also don't want to come out" Dan thought out loud "Which is impossible"

"You've subtly come out like a million times" Phil pointed out giving up on trying to get Dan's feet out from under his thighs instead taking it upon himself to slide down so he was lying alongside Dan's legs. "You were technically out in what, 2009?"

"So were you!" Dan squawked indigently and slapped Phil's shoulder lightly "You were openly gay for years! You had a boyfriend in University! How come no one is fucking hassling you to come out!"

"Because I'm AmazingPhil and I don't give hints towards my sexuality as obvious as you do" Phil rolled his eyes "And maybe I'm not a flaming homosexual"

"I've seen pictures of you in University, Phil, you were and will forever be a flaming homosexual"

"Dude, that's gay" Phil laughed 

"You're dating a boy, that's so gay" 

"I'm gaying up the place"

"Get this gay shit outta my face"

"You like my gay shit on your face"

"Phil!" Dan screeched "You're disgusting!"

"Not like literal shit but you like other stuff" Phil said choking on his laughter "You're rubbing off on me"

"I like rubbing you" Dan winked "Get that gay shit on my face, am I right?"

"You're so gay" Phil groaned 

"And that's what everyone thinks! That I'm gay! And I've been saying that I'm not gay for years in my liveshows and no one fucking believes me!"

"I know you're not gay and you know you're not gay so what's the big deal?"

"I hate people assuming something I'm not!"

"Then say something about it!"

"But I don't wanna come out" he groaned flinging his head back onto the back of the couch. "Why is life so hard?"

"Then don't come out"

"But everyone wants me to and I want to just end the assumptions"

"Then come out"

"Thanks for your help" Dan mumbled "Love you, no homo"

 

In all fareness, Dan can see why everyone wants him to come out. Everyone has caught on to his 'subtle' hints especially after his diss track where he dissed his bisexuality. If he was a YouTube fan of himself, he would want him to come out because it can make bisexual fans feel valid and like they're not alone. He didn't have any bisexual rolemodels when he was growing up which was why he didn't realise what his sexuality exactly was until he met Phil who explained it to him. 

He's thought about this for a long time and he's scared, he's fucking terrified and he doesn't want to do it. He can see where everyone is coming from and he feels the obligation to come out and get it over and done with, like ripping off a bandaid but he doesn't want to. He doesn't like this obligation that he feels forced to do. He doesn't want to come out on everyone else's terms but on his own. 

He could never come out, he thinks about this and he likes the idea because he's out to the people he wants to know. He's out to his family and close YouTube friends, heck, he and Phil are out as a couple to their families and close YouTube friends. 

Maybe one day he'll come out but it won't be a big deal because he won't talk about it and he'll watch the world crash around him as he sits in his apartment - or house - with his boyfriend - or husband - with maybe a dog or child - or both - sitting with them.   
And it's fine.

**Author's Note:**

> lol what even was this just a neverending debate on what dan should do i suppose
> 
> also you don't have to come out to everyone. I've known i was bisexual since i was 14 and im 19 now and i haven't come out to my parents or my IRL friends simply because I don't want to so.........


End file.
